My disclaimer before I start to type.... I asked Mike to write something for my blog so he did. NOTHING is altered, it is all his thoughts!
So after hearing about EAP and seeing how it works I was very impressed. However I finally got to experience it for myself. Last week I went through my first session, It was a family session including Kodee's father. Right from the start I was feeling uncomfortable. We played a game called the "Brain Game". It was a game in which we all had to link arms and Kodee was the "brain" that controlled the operation. Her father and I were the hands that had to complete the task at hand. We had to saddle a horse. I was the right hand and her father was the left hand. It was a little difficult because we were not able to speak or do anything on our own. Kodee had to control every little step. At first Kodee had a hard time telling us what to do. She is afraid at times to open up and tell us what she wants. I'm sure this is why we did this game. Hopefully she will not be afraid to talk to us. I know she wants peace and does her best to keep it. She needs to see that when it comes to her we all want what's best. It's obvious at times to her that we all do not get along but when it's about her we find a way. I do think however by the end of the game she got back to being Kodee and started pointing me in the right direction. She was impatient with me as usual but she gave me the opportunity to work with her and trust having me do it. She is good at saddling a horse herself that she would have finished the saddling in a minute. As for my uncomfortable feelings I mentioned in the beginning they are just trust issues I have. Every time someone comes near my little circle I feel uneasy about I want to push them away. FAST. I'm still having conflicting feelings towards people. I used to give everyone the benefit of doubt. I want to get back to being that person but I know it won't be easy. I guess to sum things up it was only one session but I felt so good at the end of it. I was willing to talk to anybody who would listen to me. I had so much to say. Isn't that the point of EAP though? Finding ways to confront your uneasy feelings and try and understand them. So those are Mike's thoughts. I would like to add a few things if you don't mind. I always have a lot to say and the whole "filter" thing is very new to me :) I'm not sure how Kodee's dad felt about anything because he didn't tell me. He did say a few things but I won't repeat them unless he gives me the go ahead. Also I don't like referring to him as Kodee's dad, he has a name and it is Chris. For us it took almost 2 years to do a family session. For one reason and only ONE reason. Kodee wasn't ready. She keeps it all in because to cause conflict is unacceptable in her eyes. She can't grasp that we are all there for her. we only want to see her come out of this with a smile and the knowledge that we are all united for her. There is no April, Mike or Chris. We are a whole family unit working for the greater good of her well being. At time yes we fight, but who doesn't? We all do our best to get along and we all compromise our own personal feelings. I know many blended families that do the same. I also know many blended families who can't for whatever reason. I grew up in one of those families. The family that couldn't keep it together long enough to see what was really happening. It's sad but it happens everyday. Sorry for rambling. I do that a lot :) Marley's Mission is busier than ever. I must have made 20 phone calls today to schedule appointments. It makes me so happy that we are there for the children that need us but at the same time utterly depressed that there is even a need. If you follow us on facebook or any other group I belong to then I'm sure you see the stories that are posted nonstop about child abuse. I get asked a lot of the time how I could possibly read them. My answer is I can't help but not to. I remember as a child driving with my Grandpa Del and every time there was a car accident he would slow down to 5 miles an hour and just watch. That's how it feels for me. I read them because I have to. I need more knowledge, and with that knowledge comes anger and with that anger I get motivated. Motivated not only for my own children but for children everywhere! When I read that the system fails, I say then let's fix it. When I read that a child has been murdered, beaten, starved, raped, tortured or any other senseless act i get outraged. At times helpless but then I remember all of you. All of you that stood up for my family in our time of need and are still standing for the children who come to Marley's Mission now. The need is great all over. It's sad, it's sick and it needs to stop. With that I will sign off for now because Alexis is ready for bed and quite frankly so am I and I can go off for days! I would also like to say THANK YOU to everyone who came out yesterday to the chicken BBQ in Dickson City sponsored by Mayor Anthony Zaleski! You all did an amazing job!
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