On Wednesday Kodee had her regular appointment with Mrs. Ann at Marley’s Mission. I was in my office, kids waiting for their next session with their parents in the waiting room or playing outside. It was a nice warm spring day. Kodee and her treatment team came down the hill and I noticed kodee carrying a bright orange bucket. I didn’t think much of it. It could hold numerous things inside, because I know her I thought maybe some sort of bug or small animal. When they got into the office Mrs. Ann said Kodee did great today. Kodee didn’t say much except that she had collected peach pits in the bucket and then skipped out of the office. Ann then said that Kodee had to write her fears down in session and she did, the only catch was that no one could look at them. I said well who wrote them? Ann told me that Kodee had written them but wouldn’t share what they said. I looked over to my desk where Kodee had placed the bucket and my stomach started to turn. There was the bucket sitting right there. I could easily read what she feared, was she telling me in her own way to read them by leaving them there. She must know that my will power is non-existent when it comes to things like this. I called to her to please come inside and when she did I asked her why the bucket was on my desk. She shrugged and looked at me. I said can I read what’s in the bucket and she said no and gave me a smile. She knew this was pure hell for me. (As I sit and write this right now my stomach is doing flops) I told her then you have to move the bucket. She looked around my office for a safe place to hide it then decided in my supply closet. She reached up and put it on the top shelf and closed the door and skipped out. I turned to Mrs. Ann with a question on my face and she told me that Kodee doesn’t want anyone to know. Great just great! I grabbed a posted it off my desk and scribbled “Do Not Touch” and taped it to the bucket then sat down and tried to work. The next day while driving Kodee to school I asked what happened in her session. She said nothing and was ready to end the conversation but I couldn’t. I asked what was in the bucket and her response was peach pits. I said that I had seen papers folded inside and she said oh those are my fears. – Tummy flop Can I read your fears Kodee? No mom. What are you going to do with them? They can’t stay in my closet forever Kodee. Her response was at her next session she would make a necklace with them and put the necklace on her horse and her horse would run away with them. “Will you ever tell me your fears Kodee?” Shoulder shrug…… I stopped asking questions. The bucket has stayed on my mind for four days now. I won’t read what she wrote because I need her to know she can trust me plain and simple. It’s killing me that I could know what is in her head and it’s killing me that she can’t share them with me because I bet we have the same fears. I want to talk to her about them but she can’t right now. I trust fully in the process and the steps she has to take before she can be free of all of this but I know the process is long. We are all recovering in our own way in our own time. All of us have our own demons to face down when it comes to that night. For the most part I am great; I have my moments when I feel weak. When the phone rings at the mission or an email comes through and the bottom falls out. I have cried and cussed many times when getting a new referral. Sometimes it’s all I can do to stay sane. There are times when giving up seems like a pretty good option. Who wants to live in this world 24/7; to read the details of something straight out of a horror movie? I get angry all over again and my anger is my saving grace. It’s fuel that propels me into action. As the program director my primary concern is healing those who come to the farm. As a mom and a human being I want change, no strike that. I NEED change. On facebook I subscribe to countless groups who advocate for children, they post story after story about abuse. Sometime I can’t even look at my timeline because it’s covered with stories and I have to read them. To not read them means that I am turning a blind eye and I can’t do that. Someone has to read about it, someone has to cry for them and that someone has to be me. Stories only stay in the media for a short time then they are gone but the fear, pain and process go on forever. At night when you are watching your favorite shows and the commercials come one and you see Sarah McLaughlin telling you horrible stories of abuse of animals and your heart breaks and you pick up the phone and you pledge your hard earned money to save that cat or dog. Do you remember Sally Struthers Infomercial or the guy with the mustache in the 80’s and 90’s? What a dollar a day could do for a starving child in Africa. Don’t think that I am saying not to help other countries because I am not. It’s a global issue and one we all are responsible for however what about “our” kids? Where are the commercials about our kids? Is it easier to hear about the problems in a different country? Why is that? Look around, pick up your paper, watch the news and I bet every day you will read or hear a story about some sort of abuse. Kony2012 is viral, about a war that has been going on for 26 years that has claimed over 30,000 children that no one has talked about in 25 years. No one stepped in because why would we; the country where it is happening has nothing to offer us. That’s not me saying that, that’s the claim in the video and I believe that claim to be true except I know it is wrong and that’s why it should be stopped. Children are our own natural resources that should be nurtured and cherished. Let’s go back to the numbers of Kony2012; the war has lasted 26 years and claimed 30,000 children. In the United States of America 797,500 children (younger than 18) were reported missing in a one-year period of time studied resulting in an average of 2,185 children being reported missing each day. Add it up 797,500 x 26 years = 20,735,000 (Taken from The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children) that number is OUR children; the real invisible children, the children that hold our future. It’s time we advocate for our own, raise the standards of care for those children in the system because believe me the system is broken. There are good people that work in the system but if they don’t have the tools or the resources then all is lost. Hold the monsters accountable for their action, that’s the only way things will change. Tell your children about safety and finding a safe person to talk to, educate yourself on the warning signs. Be aware of the world we live in. Hold your children tight and show them you love them. Thanks for listening Watch Kodee letting her fears go in her next session. https://vimeo.com/55176665
0 Comments
|