Who would have thought that the thirteenth birthday would leave me feeling so emotional and so unsure of the future. It has me scared for a million reasons but the most prominent one is she's growing up, she likes boys more then ever and boys like her. I like that it's a "normal" thing (God knows I crave normal" but I get lost in the shit of it all, the what if's of it all. But my God she's smart, she's kind, she's wonderful and beautiful. I'll push back these what if's and live in this glorious moment of turning 13! I have a teenager!!
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I just got home not to long ago, a team of us went out to place the signs at each polling place in Lackawanna County. I was lucky enough to make it home in time to put the girls to bed. We have made it our nightly routine to add election day in our prayers, to thank God for the Talerico Family and to watch over all of us on team Gene. Lexi never lets me forget about prayers, I love that about her. She says a part and I say a part, it's a ritual that I will miss one day when they are grown and gone but tonight it was different. I got lost in my part of the prayer as I kept adding the people I have grown to know over this election season. These people have given there time, talent and treasure because they believe in Gene and they believe in what he stands for.
When you see those words that run across these photos you may just see words but for me and many others these are the characteristics that set him apart from the rest, this is his way of life, he knows no other way to be. I know if your reading this and you personally don't know him you might be thinking "come on lady, put down the kool aid." But I swear to you it's the truth, I swear to you if your child, a loved one, hell anyone you know is a victim of a crime this is the man you are going to want on your side, the man that will crouch down and get eye level with your son or daughter, the man that will answer your calls day or night while he is working on your case and after your case he will still be there.
Over the past week I have read some pretty nasty things on social media, been mailed more fliers that I have returned to sender and seen commercials that make me sad and sick at the same time, some flat out lies that have made my blood boil, half truths that have been spun just perfectly so that you would have to literally dig for a week to uncover the truth. Lets be honest here tho, a friend tells you something they read on social media and they tell it to you like it's the gospel but because it's your friend and you believe what they have to say not knowing the source and maybe you repeat it and on and on it grows. Or maybe you saw a new banner ad on Facebook that gives some crazy new statistic literally days from the election only because it gives no time for the opposition to respond and guess what folks, that's the reason your seeing it now. It's a half truth dressed so pretty you might fall for it and repeat it to your friends. I'm asking you tho to please look into these half truths, these flat out lies.
The video above is one of my favorite video's that has come out of this election. It's some of my favorite people sharing with you the worst moment in their life. These people have opened themselves up to anyone who has an opinion without having any facts. They are braver then most people will ever understand. They are my family, brought together by the thread that is Gene Talerico.
Tomorrow I ask you all to cast your vote for Gene Talerico for Lackawanna County District Attorney. If you are a Democrat and wish to write him in you can do so but please use his full name Eugene M. Talerico Jr. #teamgene #truthis Today was suppose to be the day we marched on the District Attorney's office for Shane Scanlon's nasty mail-piece that has made it's way around Lackawanna County. (if you don't know about it see my last post) If you where to be part of it then you already know it was postponed however if you weren't a part of the march maybe you don't know about it at all. Well it was cancelled for a few reasons but only one of those reasons matter.
As outraged as I still am by that flier I am fearful that people would view this display as some sort of publicity stunt aimed at getting Gene votes so it is postponed till after the primary. I will contact all of you after May 16th to see if you still would like to take a stand and let Shane Scanlon know he does not speak for us. #ShameOnShane #truthis #teamgene If we are friends on Facebook then you already know about the nasty, tasteless flier that was circulated by appointed District Attorney Shane Scanlon but if by chance your reading this and have no idea what i'm talking about here it is: Today my family as well as several other families were re-victimized by Lackawanna County's appointed District Attorney Shane Scanlon. If his intent was to cause harm he hit it out of the park with his last mailing. To say that Gene Talerico exploits his victims, seeks glory and quits on them might have been your biggest mistake to date Mr. Scanlon. You see as victims our voices were taken once upon a time but Gene helped us regain our voice and we are no longer victims, we are survivors. We are the toughest group of individuals you will ever face Mr. Scanlon and face us you will. You single handedly created a storm but not the one you expected. Friends, below is our families journey from darkness to light in pictures. These pictures show the man Gene is and always will be. A man of integrity, a man with a heart that seeks justice for ALL victims, a man that was devastated in 2009 but found HOPE witnessing a miracle and had to stick around to make sure all would be okay for her, a man who is the change we need in this world. #sticksinabundle #shameonshane #teamgene Gene's wife Laura Talerico took to Facebook as well to explain the photo of Gene used on Shane Scanlon's postcard. Here are Laura's words as well as the original photographs: My husband Gene was one of the founding board members of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Lackawanna County since its inception in 1999. Our family has supported their annual Moonlight Walk Run each year and in 2015 Gene ran the 5K and raised over $500.00 for the center. The CAC benefits children who are victims of physical and sexual abuse and neglect and we are honored to know the people who give of themselves day after day and give hope to all children. I understand that when photos are posted to social media you run the risk of someone copying them and using them for their own purposes, I am far from naïve. However, I could never have anticipated someone taking the time to scroll through 2 years of photos on facebook to find a picture they believed to be embarrassing to be used in a political mail piece filled with untruths. While they believed the photo they chose was embarrassing, we find it represents a proud moment in supporting a good cause that we all believe in. #TeamGene17 Within a few hours my news-feed was clogged with rally cries from survivors and friends who support Gene Talerico for District Attorney You see Mr. Scanlon the bond we survivors share is an unbreakable one, no matter the time of day or our schedules we always have each others backs. Maybe you don't know this because you have no real connection with any "victims" to date. When I think of the connection I have now with all of these amazing people I think of the Kenyan Proverb "Sticks in a bundle are unbreakable." Us survivors are the sticks and Gene is the thread that holds us all together.
If reading this blog leaves you wanting to know more about Gene Talerico please visit his website talericoforda.com If you find Shane Scanlon's flier inappropriate and offensive here is what I am asking you to do: 1. Please print return to sender on the postcard (see my example in beginning of post), if you feel like leaving a note I encourage you to do so. 2. Call the Lackawanna County District Attorneys Office and let them know this is not how survivors should be treated at (570) 963-6717 3. Call Shane Scanlon's headquarters at 802-DA-SHANE / 802-327-4263 and let your voices be heard. 4. Join me and other survivors/supporters as we walk to the Lackawanna County District Attorney's office in a peaceful protest to let Shane Scanlon know his job is to represent the victims of heinous crimes NOT re-victimize us. (If you are interested in joining us please visit the contact us page and leave me your email address and I will forward the details on to you) There’s this feeling you get or at least I get right before a flashback. It’s like a pressure build up that starts to hum, I can feel it throughout my body and as the pressure grows it becomes a vibration that rarely goes away. It stays as a constant reminder that soon enough I will be in a ball on the ground reliving the most horrific night of my life. Except this time the buildup is going on over 3 weeks and I’m actually praying for it to come just so I can feel normal again.
I know the day it started and why however I don’t know how to make it stop plus a very emotional 3 weeks where anything that could have gone wrong did, didn’t help. I’ve tried everything that I’ve been taught over the past 4 ½ years and when I’m in it those things tend to bring my mind to the forefront but not my body then other times I let it take me, hoping that this will be it and the pressure will go away. I look around me to see if anyone notices but it seems I’m pretty good at hiding it except from HER, she can tell and she asks if I’m ok and I lie and say yes only because I don’t know what to say. Maybe if I told her no and tried to explain she would tell me it happens to her too and we both wouldn’t feel alone… She asked me the other day about a box I keep in my room. To anyone else it looks like a box of crap and could have the potential to become a hoarder but it’s my you box. Filled with everything there is from that night in 2009 and on. I’ve filled it with memories of mission events, therapy milestones, newspaper clippings and cards. I look at her and I say that’s my you box filled with everything from the bad night on. She looks at me and wants specifics and I say there are some cards in there you can read if you want. She asks what kind of cards and I tell her about how people from all over the country wrote her notes and cards and sent money into the Marley Fund for her. She likes that idea so she sits on my bed and I dump them out. She picks up one after another and starts read, stopping at times to ask questions or struggling to read cursive but she seems to enjoy it and I realize this is a step in the right direction for us but I can’t help but think when will she be ready for the rest of the box. After all I’ve saved everything for her, just in case. I realize at times I’m holding my breath as I watch her read, she turns to me sees my face and comes to me. She says are you all right mom? I say yes because I am but she sees something most people don’t when they look at me, she sees the truth and looks me in the eye and I lie and say I promise I’m ok. We talk about my favorite card and people who send cards that we didn’t know and after the fact got to meet them, she said this person wrote that you should have taken me to Disney World and gotten me ice cream to make me smile again. I said yes a lot of people needed you to smile again but I chose to get you Strawberry with the money. She thought about it and decided I had made the right decision. Recently night has been the worst for me, lying in bed and hearing sounds my apartment makes and feeling the hair on my arms start to tingle, my heart rate accelerates and I go black. I’m in my hallway in Taylor walking towards the younger ones room because she’s crying. I feed her and change her diaper; the task takes me 15 minutes. 15 minutes and I have no clue what the hell is happening 15 feet from me. I mentally beat myself up in these moments. Then I continue on down the dark hallway with white walls, family pictures hanging of fun times. The house is quiet except the sound of my own feet walking on the carpet then I get to the door and try and turn the handle. I jump off my bed and race to the girl’s room in that moment just to see them sleeping peacefully. I watch them and try not to cry, I turn and walk back to my bed and sit there and stare at the box. I haven’t gone in it yet because I know where that leads but I look none the less. The apartment makes its noises and I still myself and talk to myself to not get up. Everything is alright, it’s just the 3 of us here but I can’t not get up for fear that I’m wrong. I do this all night long for 3 weeks now. I’m tired and emotionally exhausted and I know that adds to it. I’m sharing this now in the hopes that getting it out of my system will help me and maybe help others that know exactly how I’m feeling. grat·i·tude
ˈgratəˌt(y)o͞od/Submit noun
Four years ago when our world imploded finding something to be thankful for wasn’t easy. It was so easy to get stuck in the muck of the facts of that night, to look around and see your whole world turned on its side and just give up but then you look at the face of your five year old and 14 month old and thank God with everything you have that you still have them because without them this world just doesn’t make sense. And then something amazing happens, people you have never met band together just to make said 5 year old girl smile again…. You all know the rest of the story but let me tell you we had some dark days and nights and I won’t lie and say we don’t have them still, there just not as often. Over the years we climbed out of the dark with the help of the community, I’m not sure many people can say that. We were lucky and I’m thankful every day for the letters and donations that flooded our mailbox that lead us to have enough money to buy a horse named Strawberry. I’m thankful for a therapist named Ann Cook who was willing to try anything for that 5 year old girl and go the distance figuratively and literally. I’m thankful for Gene Talerico who was my strength when I couldn’t hold myself up. I’m thankful for those two little girls who were and still are my light when it’s dark. I’m thankful for all the people along that way that impacted us in such a positive way that giving up was never an option. Our lives have changed so much in such a short time, I feel like I have grown up much more than I ever would have if not for that night. I have friends I never would have, I go to events I never would have gone to and I have a relationship with my daughters that I never would have had. I know that sounds funny but when you go through hell with someone and get to come out the other side together it changes your relationship. It’s built on trust and honesty and it’s unbreakable and for that I am thankful. I’m thankful for the children who come to Marley’s Mission, it’s them that keep it all in perspective. It’s those children that define the word HOPE. These children though hurt and sometimes broken from the inside out have managed to invest in themselves and heal. They teach us more then we could ever hope to teach them. I’m thankful for the treatment teams at Marley’s Mission. The unsung heroes that stand on the front line 6 days a week. These ladies are truly something special; they are kind, generous, thoughtful and dedicated. Traci Berardelli, Jeanna Sebastianelli, Kim Portanova – Feibus, Joanne Farley, Jordan Ayers, Terri Schantz, Sue Thompson, Alishia Allegrucci, Shannon Sennefelder, Ann Cook and Kristin Connolly. I’m thankful for the outstanding Board of Directors. I can never say enough about this amazing group of people. They took a vision and made it reality, they eat, sleep and drink the mission and without them and their dedication to all things HOPE I’m not sure where we would be. I’m thankful for the volunteers and supporters of Marley’s Mission. It’s amazing when people understand the mission whether it’s because they are a survivor of trauma, they know a survivor of trauma or they simply just get it they are unstoppable. They don’t quite until the job is done, they come in after working a full day, they work on their days off or they remember without their donation the mission wouldn’t be able to operate. I’m thankful for my past, it has made me the person I am today. I’m thankful for my family even though we live so far apart I know that you are always there. This past year has been amazing. I could almost describe it as magical. Don’t get me wrong there has been some bad mixed with the good, there always will be but this year has been different; we have had more good than bad. We’ve built a forever home and have made it possible to treat even more children free of charge. My friendships have grown into something I truly cherish. I don’t know if everyone has friendships like mine but when I say they are special they are. Special doesn't do them justice but I can’t find a word that adequately fits. I’m thankful for Kyle who has truly changed our world for the better. It’s funny in a way to realize how empty your life was before you meet that one person and then you meet them and a light bulb goes off. You feel whole for the first time ever; you develop a relationship that is so strong that being vulnerable is no longer scary but something you want to be with that person. The girls love him and he loves them, it’s in all honesty something I never thought would be possible but so blessed to have found. Not only today but the other 364 days of the year I am thankful and I am blessed because of all of the people in my life that have made it what it is today. Even if we have never met know that because of you I give thanks. So here we are at year 4. Who would have thought so much would have changed and so much stayed the same. As I write this, I am sitting on a four wheeler overlooking construction taking place at our new facility in Newton Township. Today’s date is June 28, 2013 and according to my countdown app we have 6 days, 21 hours, 50 minutes and 32 seconds till we open on July 5, 2013. The days leading up to today have been a whirlwind of emotion. A lot of tears of joy but as we get closer to July 5th the tears of sorrow creep closer. I wear my dark sunglasses even when it’s not sunny because I never know when a wave of emotion will hit me. The one constant steady thing leading up to this point is the amazing people involved in this project and their never give up attitude.
I hesitate to start naming names in thanks because I’m always afraid that I might miss someone but since I have 6 days left until I publish this I’m going to give it a try. In no particular order, here is my list of thanks and some funny stories from along the way. “I’m not a horse guy but…” that statement has been made more times than I can possibly count when I’m speaking to Jody Cordaro about construction and, every time, it makes me smile. If you don’t know Jody, then you haven’t been hanging around long enough. We first met in 2010 and from the word go Jody has been “IN” and he’s in deep. I’m lucky to have him on the Board of Directors and even luckier to call him my friend. With too many sayings to count, Gene Talerico has literally been there from the word GO. In 2009, I know he would have never envisioned where we stand today and that place is much stronger because of him and his dedication. It’s amazing how far we have come Gene, what a difference a year makes. I’m proud to call you my friend and even luckier to have you as part of my family. “I’m just the fence guy” are words my boyfriend Kyle Kemp has uttered almost every day since we have been on the ground but somewhere along the way he found himself as a jack of all trades. PS: Because of this my fence still is not done ! Just joking babe! Al Day, one of the most amazing men I have ever had the privilege to meet, and also my daughter Kodee’s Grandpa. To date, there has been nothing this man can’t do! Gary Johnson is famous for the saying “middle miles” and until last week I had no clue what that meant. Gary has had his hands in everything and his boots on the ground everyday overseeing construction at Marley’s Mission. Thank you Gary for you’re never give up attitude even when I was ready to give up. Pat from Leeward Construction and their whole team, absolutely amazing in every sense of the word. Pat has dubbed this project “Marley’s Mission Impossible” - only half joking. Pat and his team have gone the extra mile at every turn and have put up with more than I can say here. Let’s just say Kyle’s Road and Jody’s Road….. IBEW 81 – From Mike to Adam and Paul to Lori Henahan and everyone from Local IBEW 81 I can never say thank you enough for all of your hard work and dedication for ensuring we had “lights on” on July 5th. Denise Burne, a woman after my own heart, one of the purest souls out there who thinks purely of others always. Thank you for making this dream a reality. Keith Eckel – A total stranger to us at first but you have one of the kindest hearts out there. Believing in a vision of a farm on a hill that your dear Aunt once owned. Jeff Trapper from SCE Environmental who is one of the hardest working, most knowledgeable men around. Thank you for showing up every day and giving 110%! There are a million more people to thank so please be on the lookout for my next blog that will include pictures of construction as well more thank yous. Aside from the construction, life still happens. No matter how busy you get. As much as I want to lose sight of why we are here, I can’t because that reason is my reason for living. She’s a 9 year old girl who loves horses and wants to grow up to a K9 officer like her dad, a little girl who’s smile can light the darkest day. However, when her light is dark all of our light dims too. Last night, June 27, 2013, started with fun but as we got home it became clear that she wasn’t ok. She asked for a session with Mrs. Ann and she never does that. She didn’t want to talk about it with me and I’m ok with that because at least she’s telling me what she needs. As we entered our apartment, she proceeded to close and lock windows and became clingy, asking me to check on her every hour on the hour. July 4th 2013 I've slacked off for the last few days because…well I've been busy and way too tired to even think when I get home at night. According to the countdown clock , we have 1 Day, 2 Hours, 25 Minutes and 54 Seconds till we open on July 5, 2013. We experienced “lights on” last night at our new forever home in Newton Township - thanks to IBEW 81 and all of their hard work. Kyle and Brown worked on the last fence while Grandpa Al hung the sign. Gene, Alishia, Traci and I moved a million panels for the round pen, well not quite a million but it felt like it. Meanwhile, in the stable the children played and Chrissy and Bill put together the Remembering Zachary benches. It was a pretty good night with good friends and the feeling of accomplishment for a job well done. On the ride home around 11pm, Kodee, Lexi, Melanie and me drove with Abby Millon blasting out of the radio. Kodee was quiet. I know what quiet means to her, it means she’s somewhere else focused on another time. Just as we are two blocks from home there was a car accident and police had already arrived but were blocking the intersection so I turned around but Kodee still saw them and the questions started. “Mom will the cops drive by our house tonight?” “But mom what if they don’t?” Me: “Kodee I promise they will.” “But mom what IF THEY DON’T??” When we had finally driven the two blocks to the house (It seemed like forever). She was ok. Kodee, Lexi and Melanie proceeded to take showers and get ready for bed. Now it’s 12:32AM July 5, 2013. We had a great day with our family and friends. Kyle had to work but for the first time in 4 years I felt good, even though he wasn't with me. It was a weird feeling really, not bad but one I had never expected to feel. Just knowing if I needed him that he would be there made the difference for me. The girls are sleeping, tired after a fun filled day swimming, food, fireworks and fun. I’m in bed and Kyle’s downstairs. I’m beat and can hardly keep my eyes open, excited about the morning and feeling better than I have in a long time. I pray the girls feel the same way and from all accounts of the history of this night for the past 3 years I think they do. Kodee couldn't wait to sleep and with Lexi next to her they haven’t moved a muscle. It does my heart good to know that this year is different, that this year we may have turned the page and started a new chapter, perhaps the chapter where we all live happily ever after. July 5, 2013 2 hours 6 minutes and 5 seconds until we cut the ribbon…. I’m on the couch with the kids and Kyle. The night was peaceful and it’s shocking. My eyes are filling with tears just thinking of the difference this year has made. Maybe it’s the new campus, maybe it’s because I have surrounded myself and the girls with people who love us and truly understand. I can’t express how much these people mean to me and my family. Then there’s Kyle, who would have ever guessed that in September of 2012 I would have met my other half. You really don’t ever know what you’re missing in life until you find it. To the treatment teams and Board of Directors at Marley’s Mission, you all are the definition of selfless. You all have given so much of yourselves to me, the mission and the kids we see every day, I love you all. From total strangers to family, when you said you were" in" you all meant it and because of this you have all had a hand in building HOPE, not only for my family but for this community as well. To the community that has helped us from that dreadful day in 2009 and continued to push the rock up the hill I owe you my life because without all of you I wouldn't have one today. Thank you! And I could not end this blog without saying thank you again to Kevin, Bruin, Ryan, Steve, Dr. Rogan, Mary Ann Laporta, The Lackawanna EMT’s, Ann Cook, Gene Talerico, The Lackawanna County DA’s office, CMC, Moses Taylor, The CAC, Friendship House, Joni Fox, Jenni Carper and all of the people who were there from the beginning that God awful day. You never forget the people that picked you up after you fall. For two days now I have been a bit off. The first day I really had no clue why and paid little attention to what my body was telling me. That night when I shut my eyes I saw HIM but I shook it off and after a bit I was able to sleep without any problems. This morning I woke from a nightmare, I have no clue what it meant but the bottom line was I was scared and I felt it. Then I died….I woke with a start only to find Kodee in my bedroom doorway saying mom, mom! It was time to get her ready for school. In between the routine I received a phone call that I had a pick up and it was in Taylor, PA. The voice inside my head said really!!! Today?? But you push it aside and move forward because life still goes on with or without you.
Kodee on the bus and Lexi at PreK I let Kyle & Gene know my dream and my destination. I suppose I hid most of my anxiety because I felt foolish that a town could bring me to my knees in an instant. It’s not like I haven’t been back there in 3 years, I just hadn’t been back on behalf of the mission to pick up a child so I suppose that’s why it hurt. After I dropped the family back home I stopped at the Turkey Hill for a coffee and I remember repeating these steps in May, June and July of 2009. As I swung the door open I started to cry so I kept my sunglasses on, poured my coffee and ran back to the van. Once inside I made the decision to go back there for what I have no clue but I felt the need to. It was only a block away but in that block I passed a Taylor police car, I held my breath and as the car passed I let it out slowly. It wasn’t Kevin or Ryan… I realized in that moment I wanted it to be one of them. I made the turn and just watched. I crawled by the house noticing everything. The fire pit was gone, in Kodee’s old room red Valentine’s Day hearts hung in the window. They had painted the front porch and back deck. My flower beds were covered in snow and the big rock we had put at the edge of the lawn to keep people from driving on the lawn was gone. Two cars in the drive way but no sign of life, I guess that’s the way it should be right, like a mausoleum. As I drove I noticed our old neighbor Bruce was home but I didn’t stop I kept driving because just around the bend was HIS house. I never knew which one was HIS specifically except from my back deck I could see it but I didn’t have that advantage so I counted. His family has since moved, to where I have no clue. I went back home, threw on my running clothes and hit the gym. I felt better after for the most part but something still clung. It’s funny in a way because the past 5 months have been filled with so much happiness that sometimes it’s easy to think it’s over and on occasion that it never happened; those days are a blessing. At 2:45 like clockwork Kodee gets off the bus talking a mile a minute. A boy liked her; he told her so on the bus ride home. She doesn’t feel the same for him but listening to her go on and on makes me smile. When I tell her I need his address so Kyle & Ecko can pay him a visit and she believes that he will and shriek’s NO MOM!!!! As night sets in the girls bathed and it’s almost bed time I sit with my glass of wine looking back at the horror, pain, excitement and joy wondering how the hell I got here and why us. I get hung up on the why us part a lot. I hate the standard response to that statement so you all know, but that’s not a place I want to visit tonight. I can't figure out what tonight is but it's almost over and I take comfort in knowing that in just a few short hours this will all just be a memory. Alexis had a high fever of 104.3 last night. I spent the night watching over her because I was too afraid not too. Add to that the sound of Kodee’s bus early this morning that finally woke me up. I scrambled to get her ready and out the door in 20 minutes so she wouldn’t be late for school. Put this all together: you have a recipe for a bad day. Something inside me felt a bit off and I couldn’t place it. Then I received a text from a friend that informed me about the sentencing hearing scheduled today for Jerry Sandusky.
She was livid. I had been away from my computer and had not heard the news. As I logged on, it was all over Facebook. People proclaiming: “Justice is served”. I felt it in every inch of my body as my heart beat elevated and my limbs went numb. I know from years of therapy learning about body awareness this is my sign that soon I will be in a full blown PTSD flashback. Trying to get my mind to focus on the task at hand; Lexi and her needs but I couldn’t shake it. I sent a note to Kyle and Gene that I wasn’t ok. I spoke with them both and it helped a bit but it was still there lurking. In my mind I’m back there, walking down a dark hallway not a care in the world, just checking on my sleeping 5 year old daughter. The rest you already know. Then my mind goes to the survivors I personally know. Those who have never received justice for the crimes committed against them: one mother and her son in particular. I texted her to see how he was and she hadn’t heard the news yet. We texted back and forth our outrage at this new development in the case: How in the world did such a light sentence get handed down? Why did the judge decide that 30 to 60 years in prison fit the crimes that occurred? We may never know the logic the judge used to determine the sentence that he handed down but speaking as a human being, the mother of a survivor as well as working hand in hand with survivors I can’t help but be outraged. The sentence handed down does not take it all away and make the victim whole again. However, it does bring with it a peace of mind. I remember on February 2, 2010 coming home to Kodee and telling her that never again will Felix Montoya hurt anyone, that the judge listened, he understood. And because of that, handed down Life in prison plus 20 to 40 years. She smiled a smile I had never witnessed before and one I haven’t witnessed since. For my friend and her son, they will never see the inside of a court room. I remember the newspaper accounts and the trial, I remember the toll it took on her son and watched as he slipped back a few steps because he could identify with one of the boys. I remember watching the guilty counts being handed down, texting back and forth with this family and how tears of joy for the victims and feeling a small sense of peace for this boy who will never see justice handed down to the people who hurt him. Reading the accounts from today’s sentencing, I can place myself back in the court room waiting on my turn to speak. The only recollection I have is Gene’s position in the room and the fact that I repeated the same sentence over and over. I’m not sure if people could even understand what I was saying because I cried like I had never cried before. I needed the Judge to understand, without a doubt, that the acts of one night cannot be erased and how deeply it had affected every aspect of our lives. I remember the Judge reading the letter Montoya wrote saying that why should he be punished for life when it was only one night and one bad decision. I also remember the judge saying to him that writing that was the worst decision he could have possibly made. In reading the accounts of today there is no remorse, no acknowledgement of wrong doing, no apology. These young men deserve at least that. But insteadSanduskyspoke these words "Others can take my life. They can make me out to be a monster," he said. "In my heart, I know I did not do these alleged disgusting acts. The pain continues as I think of those who made the allegations. These are people I cared about, and still do," he said. “I tried to bring joy, I tried to make people laugh, and we will continue to fight. There is much to fight." I have no words to even tell you all how that makes me feel mentally and physically… Right now my mind is on the 10Sanduskysurvivors and what they are feeling at this moment listening as this monster speaks these horrible things. And when they hear the sentence, are any of them smiling that smile that Kodee did two years ago or are they left feeling less than. I hope they don’t feel less than, because what they did by coming forward was amazing and heroic. Your voices have heard by the world. In closing, if you would all do me a favor and check out an incredible blog written by my friend about her and her son’s journey from disclosure to now. It’s graphic at times and heart wrenching. But its real and honest and she says the things that people don’t say out loud about child sexual assault and the toll it takes on the entire family. http://fortheboysfromthismom.com/?page_id=174 Besides my daughter I have thought of nothing but you today Vale, you are a shining example of turning a tragedy into inspiration, your dedication to young people who have experienced what you have and your willingness to find your voice and speak at vigils, to volunteer and become a leader. You are breaking barriers and stereotypes. Always know that you and your family have given me HOPE at times when it all feels hopeless. I will forever be thankful for that, Aprl "There are many differing viewpoints on nature versus nurture, and there are those who believe that bad behavior can be excused and understood if a person doesn't know better. The theory that someone who has been abused as a child will go on to abuse their own children, and so on, because they don't know differently is widely held. But children know. We all know. Learned behavior, when a child is abused, he or she knows, even as it is happening, that it is wrong. I knew. I was abused. When a child is treated unfairly in any way, he or she knows that it is wrong. I knew. I was treated unfairly. And when a child is treated with love and affection, he or she knows that it is right. I knew. I saw how other kids were treated with love and affection by their parents. I knew. My soul cried out to me and told me so. We all know. We all know right from wrong. Our souls cry out to us and tell us so. And we decide, we make our choices, and we are responsible for those choices. We, no one else but we, decide. Anger, hurt, pain, humiliation, fear, dread, confusion-all these emotions we choose. Do we hold on to our anger, our pain and humiliation, and hit back, or do we strive to understand that we can do better?" — Rosemary Altea This morning started with Gene and I at the gym running our usual mile together then lifting weights but something was in the air, my best friend was up for volunteer of the year for Marley’s Mission and the thought of him not winning hung heavily in the air but neither of us wanted to admit it.
As you all know Gene and I met at the most horrific point in my life but he soon became my lifeline. With every call about Kodee’s case we became closer and closer. I remember the day we became Facebook friends and I sat there with my mouse hovering over the accept button thinking he wants to be my friend… We chatted most nights all night because neither one of us could sleep. We talked of small things then bigger things as our relationship grew. For him he had witnessed the horror of this world for two decades; me a newbie to this world of unbelievable pain and suffering. I remember the long nights before the mission was conceived, Being so opened and honest about my fears. Telling Gene all of my fears then enrolling in school because the thought of another child facing what my child had faced was inconceivable. Then the day I gave him the CD labeled Marley’s Mission in my shaky handwriting. Shaky only because of who the recipient was. I had dropped it at his office when I knew he wasn’t there and waited for a call or text and when I got the call it was a simple “I’m in” He never looked back from that moment on, never wavering to the neigh Sayers about how to start a nonprofit for free because as my best friend he understood why it had to be so. He also understood Kodee and loved her like she was Katie’s little sister. The day of sentencing Gene and I sat alone in a private room on the 3rd floor of the court house, neither one of us talking about what was about to happen. It was February 2, 2010, the day I got to stand up and tell a real monster what if felt like to have your life stolen in the blink of an eye. Gene was as intense as I was, just waiting. The rest is history. To say someone holds your life in their hands is an understatement and Gene knew that from the words “I’m In” that he was totally in. Thankfully his family is as strong as he is and as passionate as he is to see these dreams come true. Without the support of Laura and Katie Gene wouldn’t be able to pursue his dream of healing our most valuable commodity; our children. He recognizes what most people don’t because he sees it day in and day out. Young lives torn apart in the blink of an eye, families ruined because the devastation runs deep. Sometimes so deep its irreparable and the damage so deep that nothing can take it away. These are the things we spoke about late at night when no one could see me cry and the funny thing was I didn’t mind that he saw my hurt because I knew without a doubt he understood the uncertainty that we faced. He also witnessed the beginning of a change in Kodee. For him it was his undoing but not in the sense the rest of the world thinks. His undoing was a positive thing. One that led him down the path he is on today. I couldn’t even begin to count the hours he has spent to ensure that this mission succeeds no matter what the cost. He works a full time job as a prosecutor, husband, father, best friend and volunteer. Weekends are spent doing paperwork, making calls and doing chores at the farm, his nights after family time are at his computer wrapping up loose ends and communicating with supporters and survivors. Laura tells me most nights she has to wake him from his study because he won’t stop until he is done. As I sit pool side with Gene and his family watching the interaction between them all I have never felt more blessed in my life to be included in something so pure and unique. The love that flows between the three of them is something I am honored to witness and inspire to find. Rebecca and I made this trip last year representing the mission because Katie had a school event that Gene wanted to attend. The days we spent in San Diego leading up to the classy awards was fun but lacking something. The night of the award show carrying flat Gene around then on the stage as they announced Marley’s Mission as best new charity was an experience I will never forget. 3,000 miles away my friend sat following the action and reporting it all to you. That is the night that forever changed my life, the night I decided I wanted to live. Not in the sense you may all think, but in the sense that when Gene heard we won he went to Laura and kissed her, they shared a moment of pure love for what he had done. As I sat alone in my hotel room that night talking to Gene I realized that I myself wanted that more than anything. Someone to share this incredible journey with; as I sit here today I am alone but only physically. My other half Kyle Kemp is in Pennsylvania at a Phillies game but will be home in time to watch the awards and cheer on Gene and what the mission represents. To most of you that may not mean a lot but to me it’s all because of Gene and his family. They give me courage when I think all hope is lost, Gene needles me because he knows my fear is deep but he also knows the worth of a committed loving relationship. Because of Laura anything is possible because she believes in him. Because of their 20 plus marriage full of promise and love Gene is the man he is today. So my dearest friend Gene; win or lose tonight I want you to know that for me you are my hero, you are the one that when all hope is lost I look to you. When I get a call or a referral that is too much to bear I turn to you because I know you understand. No matter the challenges we face as friends or an organization you have my back and I have yours. Because our story is so short in terms of years but so long in life I want you to know hands down none of this would be possible if you weren’t by my side guiding me with your wisdom and encouragement. You walk the line that most people ignore not because of your job or social standing but because it’s who you are, it’s what makes you you and makes everyone around you aspire to be that much better. So tonight whether you’re at home watching the live feed or following us on some social media outlet; Gene Talerico has done more for the 160 plus children of NEPA not because its his social responsibility but because it runs that deep for him. He is an action man, not one to follow the crowd. He is the one that blazes the trail that all others follow. If you are ever lucky enough to visit Gene at work look to the left of the door when you enter and you will find the quote that he lives by “The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of great moral crisis, maintain their neutrality.” ― Dante Alighieri, Inferno |