As you all know I was in Utah for the 12th Annual EAGALA Conference and I couldn’t wait to tell you about it!
First I took a grant writing workshop called “Not your cookie cutter grant writing presentation”. Most of you are aware that I haven’t the slightest clue on how to write a grant but after this course I am comfortable, and believe that I will be successful in my attempt at writing one. Next I took a course called “Horses healing trauma” and blown away is an understatement! I received a bunch of new games and learned how to incorporate Body Awareness in the arena. I consider my family very lucky to have had Ann Cook on the roster that night at the Children's Advocacy Center and even luckier to have been able to keep her as Kodee’s trauma counselor. Ann has explained body awareness to Kodee and me since Kodee tends to keep it all inside because it’s too scary to voice. The idea as I understand it is that when Kodee flashes back to that night or has a reaction to a trigger she will be able to understand what is happening to her body and be able to recognize she is safe and take care of her needs. Ann has taught Kodee and me “quiver like a river” and other games to help with her body awareness. At the Horses Healing Trauma workshop the instructors Susan Byrne, MTF and Lori Larson, MTF stated that their objectives where:
They then stated the overview of their presentation: The Triune Brain then moved onto how trauma occurs and what prevents resolution of trauma and ended with alternative approaches to healing trauma. They stated that the physiological mechanism is in the primitive, instinctual parts of our brains and nervous system however the Neo-cortex overrides our instinctive impulses and the human brain second guesses our ability to take life preserving action. They then moved onto how sensory awareness and self-regulation interrupts brain “lock-up”, releases energy as it happens, tells amygdale (A brain structure anterior to the hippocampus that is involved in emotional processing and formation of long-term memories) it is “all clear”-don’t have to go into action. Sensory awareness and self-regulation also “reset” the natural balance of the nervous system and also expands sensory self-awareness. As I sat through this presentation my excitement grew. The thought that my daughter, along with all the children we see and the ones who will benefit from our research on the matter made me want to sing from the mountains. I would be lying to you all if I didn’t tell you that the thought of hypnotizing her and I to make it all go away didn’t cross my mind a million times a day. All of this stuff that Ann has been doing with Kodee made sense! During the presentation I even started texting Ann and told her they were talking about body awareness. I received a paper with amazing EAP activities, sensation vocabulary and tips on how to process a session when using this new amazing tool! Just when I thought I could fly home and conquer the world of trauma I walked into my last class of the conference. I signed up for “Boots in the Arena EAP in the treatment of combat trauma” This class was about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which Kodee and myself where both diagnosed with. I would venture to say that the majority of our clients are also diagnosed with it as well. The course was taught by Eva Usadi, MA. Her definition of PTSD is: a chronic adaptation over time to a real experience. Its symptoms are fueled by failure to integrate the reality of what happened because it is too overwhelming, which results in a repetitive replaying/reliving of the trauma in images, behaviors, feelings, physiological states, sensations, movement impulses and interpersonal relationships. I’m sure you all can see where this is going, Right back to my earlier class on Horses healing trauma. My brain started clicking and all the pieces started to fall into place. I could hardly contain myself! Just when I am at my highest she says “I am going to play a clip. For some this may have an impact on you if you have ever gone to war.” I thought to myself nope I’m good. As the lights dim and a man starts to speak and it moves on to real war scene I notice that my legs feel real funny. I start to cry and shake and a cold moves over me that I have never consciously felt before but I stayed glued to my seat. I had to see this, if I walked out at this point all might be lost and I may never find a way to fix my daughter. The lights came up and the instructor said a few words and said she wanted to play another video. I quickly excited the room. Outside I light a cigarette and inhale very deeply. I notice my legs are shaking and all I want is for them to stop. I am still cold so and I begin to pace back and forth. Inside I am embarrassed to have people stand at the window watching me but the words from the last class paired with Ann Cooks voice take over. I hear Ann telling Kodee “where do you feel it?” I imagine my daughter doing “quiver live a river” and I start to do it. I see Kodee’s face when she goes into one of her flash backs and I almost understand what she goes through and my heart breaks. Another cigarette and I have regained enough composure to join the rest of my class. When I came back in the room I asked one of the many people in there if the movies where over. She said yes and I felt comfortable enough to take my seat. All of the sudden a quote appeared on the screen “Hurt People Hurt People” I read it several times unable to make sense of it then I understood. I understood that if we don’t get these kids help they will become the predator. That one day my daughter might not sexually assault a child but she could very well grow up and inflict pain on her or others. This is something that I cannot bear to even consider. Then another quote appeared “When the enemy is among the population, warriors quickly learn not to trust people.” Now keep in mind this class is for Veterans but it is all relative. We (my family) are the lucky ones, we got justice. I can’t imagine what Kodee would be like if he was still walking the earth a free man. What does that feel like as a child, to know that there is NO safe place? How do you recover and become a productive member of society? The class went on and I learned more games and phase-oriented treatments. The goals are as follows: Gain a sense of safety in their bodies and complete the unfinished past (so they can live in the present). The next slide comes up and a simple question is asked. Why Horses? The answer; Horses live in the present moment. They respond to what is and to intention. Interacting with them teaches mindfulness, which can be a window into reclaiming life as it is lived in the here and now. I left the 12th Annual EAGALA Conference ready to change the world. I have only one question: Are you in? April Loposky Founder/Program Director Marley’s Mission
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